Questions Iranians Ask Me…All the Time

Updated: 8 July 2019

As a kid, there was only one question: Which do you like more- Iran or the US? “I like both of them in different ways,” I used to answer. Nowadays, as an expat living in Iran, the questions have become a bit more complicated. I welcome them as a chance to get to know people and for them to know me. But while there are some questions that I don’t mind answering (over and over again), I find myself going to great lengths to avoid answering others. If you’re an expat living in Iran (or elsewhere), perhaps you can relate. In my case, these are the questions Iranians ask me…all the time!

1. Are you Iranian?

I have certain “tells” that confuse people. The first one is my accent. At the ticket counter, it’s “Are you Iranian?” because they need to know whether they need to charge me the foreigner price or not. In taxis, it’s usually “Are you Armenian?” (And while on several occasions, I’ve contemplated saying “yes” just to avoid the question that I know will follow, I’m always afraid that on the chance they also happen to be Armenian, I’ll be screwed.) Other “tells” include blanking on the appropriate choice of word at the right time (like the time I said mostaghel– “independent”- when I meant to say mojarad– “single”. And numerous other such instances.) And still other times, it’s my mannerisms. A salesman asked me once out of the blue, “You weren’t in Iran before, were you?” I told him I wasn’t and asked how he knew. “You just act differently,” he said. I left it at that, not wanting to know if that was good or bad.

But in a nutshell, I’m Iranian. Actually, my parents are Iranian- yes, both of them.

2. How long did you live in the US?

There’s always the assumption that I’ve only recently gone to the US. That maybe I just finished high school or college there. Or maybe that I was born there but came to Iran at an early age and grew up here. I was speaking Persian once, and one of my students told me to “stop faking” my accent. “Come on teacher! It’s not like you were there THAT long.”

“Just 34 years,” I told him. 

So I have to clarify that if certain things I do seem a little “off”, it’s because I was born, raised, educated, potty-trained, got the training wheels taken off my bicycle, and virtually anything else you can think of, in the US. I was there almost my entire life.

And that’s when I’m met with stunned silence before the [dreaded] mother of all questions comes.

3. Why did you come here?

I despise this question with a passion, mostly because there’s a subtle difference in meaning when they ask me versus when they ask a foreigner. Allow me to elaborate.

When they ask a foreigner, there’s a genuine curiosity. A cheerful, “Oh, why did you come to Iran? How wonderful! Let me show you all the great things about this country. It’s not at all like what the media shows! I’ll take you around and show you our beautiful culture, hospitable people, breathtaking sites, magnificent history, and delicious food! Did I mention how SAFE Iran is? And don’t you worry about paying because I’ve got your expenses covered!”

On the other hand, when they ask me, the look in their eyes says, “This b!#$& is crazy!” while their mouth says, “Seriously, why did you come here? We’re all trying to leave!” Because staying in Iran longer than a few weeks for vacation is not only unfathomable, it’s unacceptable.

In the beginning, I used to honestly answer them. The fact is that I’ve always loved Iran. My best childhood memories are all from my summers spent in Iran. My uncle put it best when he said, “When we leave Iran, Iran forgets about us. We’re the ones who can’t let go.”

I’ve lived in other countries and always had plans to eventually spend time in Iran. But it’s a place where you have to be prepared to come to. As I got older, my curiosity about my parents’ motherland piqued, I started this blog as a way to explore it, and the rest is history.

A [literal] handful of Iranians get it. “Oh, I see, so you’ve always been curious and on the move.”

But to most, that’s not a satisfactory answer. So they give me their own [unsolicited] theories. Things like: “I think it’s because you know you can pick up and leave any time you want… You didn’t grow up here… You’ve never had to put up with the things we had to… Maybe you couldn’t make it in the US… You were probably missing something there that you found here… It’s easier for you to find work here.”

In the worst cases, I’ve gotten reactions ranging from a very serious, “Did you fall off the stairs and suffer brain damage?” to an angry, “Go back to the US! There’s nothing here!” One man who thought I didn’t speak Persian scoffed and said, “She’s zero kilometers. She won’t last 2 months.” Another woman told me she’d give me 3 months before I ran screaming like a bat out of hell!

There have only ever been two people who told me that I did a good thing: one was Haj Kazem in the tiny teahouse, and the other was a well-known, respected philosopher, whose opinion was worth more to me than an entire population’s.

I’ve learned that I’ll never be able to please Iranians with any kind of answer. And I’ve altogether stopped trying because the bottom line is that I don’t owe any of them an explanation. So, depending on the person/situation, I have 3 answers now:

I smile and say, “You’re right, I must have lost my mind!”

I smile, nod, and change the subject.

I smile and bluntly say, “That’s my business.”

4. What do you like about Iran?

Iran has that je ne sais quoi. You’ll fall in love with it, but it’s hard to explain exactly why. Those who have been will understand. The things you love about Iran- the people, the food, the culture, the language, the music, the art, the history, the sites– can be said of anywhere else in the world, too. I’m honestly still trying to pinpoint what it is that I love, but more importantly, what it is that’s made me stay.

Don’t get me wrong. There are days when I swear there is no country more uncivilized or uncultured. It usually happens right after a car nearly runs me over as I’m trying to cross the street (on the zebra crossing, no less) or some idiot throws trash on the street and I pick up after said idiot. Or maybe I’m personally having a bad day for whatever reason. I’m only human, and those negative feelings always pass.

And that’s the best answer I can give you right now.

5. But doesn’t the hijab bother you?

No. Do I wish I had a choice? Yes. But I don’t, so I’ll deal with it. I’ll do what I need to do whether or not there’s a scarf on my head. Some women want to fight against it, and that’s their choice. But I think there are bigger problems to worry about. This issue, quite simply, is not my battle.

6. Do you feel more Iranian or American?

When I’m in Iran, I feel more American. When I’m in the US, I feel more Iranian.

And if I’m being totally honest, whenever I go back to the US, I’m an overall confused mess. I’ll say things or do things, and think, “Oh shoot, was that weird?” or “Did I just taarof?” or “Did I ask an inappropriate question?” I imagine the repatriation process will be comical if nothing else.

7. Did Americans REALLY vote for Trump?

I explain the US electoral college. “That’s not democratic! What kind of system is that?” they ask.

Good question, Iranians… good question.

8. Are you happy when you go back to the US?

YES! I’m excited to see my family. I love how easy it is to find vegan groceries. I love the Internet speed. I love the fact that there’s more than a 1% chance of rain on any given day. But in the back of my mind, I miss Iran and look forward to going back.

9. You mean you’re never going to return to the US?

Pending any crazy moves by the US (because at this point, anything is possible), I do plan to return. As much as I love Iran, at the end of the day, I’m very thankful that I grew up in the US. I spent almost my entire life there, and it’s shaped who I am today. While I feel strongly that I can and do belong to both countries, the US will always be my home country. (But in any sporting event, I will passionately cheer for Iran (and only Iran) EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. – yes, even when Iran played the US in the 1998 World Cup or in any wrestling competition where the two have come head to head). But for the time being, Iran is tugging at my heart a little harder.

And then we inevitably end up back at square one:

“I still don’t understand why you came here….”.

And you? What are some questions you get asked as a foreigner in Iran or elsewhere?